Boys Beg Today, Men Beg Tomorrow

My little boy who goes to 1st grade asked me to "pick him up 1 hour early" after he woke up,  I said I would consider it.  Throughout breakfast he asked me again, I claimed I would consider it.  While getting dressed he asked yet again and responded to my "I'll consider it" with a "Are you sure?, you think you will?".  When I drove him to school he proceeded with the same request, consideration, and the search for affirmation to the early pick up.

Once we arrived to school, he said - "You are not going to do it", "I know you are not, right?".  I smiled and said I would consider it.

Driving home it made me think about the need to know, the definitive answer, the yes or no.  My child's day revolved around my answer...

It is no different for men, women, and sex.

10:00AM -Honey, can we have sex tonight?, yes?, really?, great!....
2:00PM -Honey, are you sure we are having sex tonight?, you promise?....
6:00PM - Honey, please tell me you're not going to get a headache or anything.....
8:00PM - Honey, you're not tired are you?....
10:00PM - We're not having sex are we?.....

Cocaine Cowboy

I live where there is plenty of snow during the winter.  That means you shovel.  I shovel my driveway, the steps, a path in the backyard for the dog, I shovel whatever needs shoveling.  I was shoveling yesterday when I noticed the patterns I had inadvertently made in the snow.  They looked like giant lines of cocaine.

From 1993 to 1994 I had a prolific cocaine addiction.  I have been clean for 16 years, I still feel a shiver down my spine when I see people snorting in a movie.  These giant cocaine lines made me think of that, what the addiction felt like; how wonderful being high on coke feels like, the infernal down and the anticipation of the next line.  In the bottom of the spiral abyss of the addiction life really did not mean much, just like scenes passing by the car window.  I wish I knew then what I know now.

I mean, I wish I knew how bad and dark cocaine gets, not because I wouldn't have tried it or used it, but because I would have known when it would turn that corner from awesome to depressing.  I think it would have been a larger mental fortitude challenge to stop than it was to quit.  Cocaine was my first time to cut an addiction cold turkey, the second one was cigarettes.

Intro

Me?
Ordinary guy, 41, 4 kids, 1 in College, 1 in 1st Grade, 1 in Pre-school, 1 New Born.  Yes, I am a horny one.

Blog?
Yes, new year resolution.  12 days late but hey, it's MY resolution.

How Often?
When shit comes to mind.

Why?
Because the anonymity is powerful and, hell, why not.